"It should not be this difficult for me to just survive": What happens when undocumented students graduate?
"I need to find a way now to continue living. I cannot wait for a solution."
This week we offer the third and final part of a conversation between two undocumented sisters currently in college. While discussing prospects after graduation, Alicia and Lucia reveal a fundamental pitfall that allows for the exploitation of immigrants.1 In spite of the rallied support for “good-immigrants,” once undocumented students graduate they cease to fit a narrative that warrants them a sense of protection. Alongside a diploma (and few to any job opportunities), we are handed vulnerability, uncertainty, and hopelessness.
If you haven’t done so already, check out the previous installments of this conversation.2
Content Warning:
This issue discusses family separation and considerations of self-deportation. Please engage with this material at your own capacity.
Alicia: After 3 years in an unpaid internship, I decided to quit because it was taking too much of my time. I was struggling and just wanted to finish my degree. I started to consider, “What am I going to do with this degree? I don't even know.” Honestly, I'm always struggling with that thought of what am I going to do?
Lucia: Yeah. Something people have told me personally is: "Maybe you could just get sponsored by an employer. Maybe you'll just find a way to get sponsored. Be the best one so that they pick you.”
I don't think people realize how difficult the whole process is. Or even think that the people like us that are in this situation don't know how to navigate it. Imagine having a job interview and being like, "Oh, by the way I'm undocumented. Are you going to be able to sponsor me for a visa?" First of all, we're exposing ourselves to potential danger when we do that. Second, it opens the possibility of not being considered at all because they're going to have to do so much more for me.
What am I going to do with this degree? … Honestly, I'm always struggling with that thought of what am I going to do?
Alicia: It's more difficult when you graduate. Employers will ask: “What do you have to show if we hire you? Why would we put our hands in the fire for you?” A lot of companies are willing to just grab a person from somewhere else. They’ll just recruit someone who’s had years of experience in another country to come work for them here.
Lucia: Many international students have the ability to work while they have student visas. They have this experience when applying to jobs so it's easier to communicate to them, "I am on a visa right now. I'm not going to have a visa soon and I'm going to need sponsorship." That's a very different reality than that of undocumented students without legal protections.
Alicia: It's a difficult conversation to have with a company when they're not going to do that. You know the answer, they're not going to do it. They would rather go to their second best option that has papers. It has happened to me before.
Lucia: And the rejection. It hurts to get rejected. And again, it all goes back to being punished for something that's completely out of your control. It’s like, "What did I do wrong? Why am I getting punished? Why am I living this such a hard life?" It takes a lot out of you psychologically.
Alicia: It does. "Why? Why? Why me? Why me?"
Lucia: It gets really tiring to have these recurring thoughts of, "Why is this happening to me? What did I ever do to be in this position?" And we know the answer is, "Nothing." Sometimes it's just easier to not think about it. It's easier to not apply to jobs and not put ourselves out there instead of having to face rejection after rejection.
Alicia: Yeah, you get tired of just trying. Right now, I'm at that point. I'm so tired of everything. I know I'm graduating soon and I need to look for a way, but every time I think about it it gives me anxiety.
Lucia: What are your thoughts about graduating soon?
Alicia: One option is get my degree and go back to Mexico. I know that with an engineering degree from the United States, I will be treated well in Mexico. But if I do that, I know I’ll struggle with not seeing my family again. Also, I’ve lived most of my life here now. I would have to start in a whole new country, and that's scary stuff.
Lucia: It's like having to migrate again. We already did it once, and we had to learn the language. We had to adapt to the lifestyle here. And we grew up with Americans…
Alicia: We are Americans.
Lucia: But we're not. But we're not Americans. And we are not accepted as Americans. At the same time, thinking about going back to Mexico, it's kind of like we're not even Mexican anymore, either.
Alicia: We technically don't belong. We don’t belong there. We don't belong here.
We don’t belong there. We don't do belong here.
Lucia: And in considering self-deportation as an option after graduation, it would be like migrating to another country all over again. Even though that's where we were born, spent our childhood, where most of our extended family is at, it would still be tough for you.
Alicia: I don’t want to leave you alone. And I don't know if I could rely on only talking to my mom on Zoom.
Lucia: What is the other option?
Alicia: My other option will be getting an independent contractor license. I’m leaning more on this option because it allows me to stay here and work, but there are a lot of challenges you face with it. If I become an independent contractor I'm technically my own company. And yes, I could get hired, I’ve actually talked to my ex-boss about this. He told me that a lot of companies might like the idea of hiring me as an independent because they don't have to give me any benefits. I wouldn't get the benefits they give their employees even if I am technically their employee.
For example, I’d have to pay for my health insurance out-of-pocket. That's a lot of money I wouldn't have, especially starting off. If you've been in the industry and then decide to become an independent contractor, that's great, you’d probably have some form of stability or knowledge to make it work out. But as a fresh graduate, you have no idea how to navigate this.
Lucia: It’s very frustrating how easy it would be if we had a path to citizenship. Not having papers make you do so many extra things just for the same treatment that other people get without thinking twice.
Alicia: Not even the same treatment! Lower treatment.
Lucia: A lower treatment. That's right. Definitely one of my frustrations in college is that there always seems to be something extra for undocumented students to do. There's always extra steps. There's always, you have to fill out an AB 540 form. When somebody first pulled up an AB 540 form, I was like, “Why do I have to do this, but no one else does?” Even though it's just a form, it's a reminder that I'm different and because I'm “different,” I have to do something extra. I have to work harder. And it's just so frustrating because, actually, I am not different. I am just human.
And it's just so frustrating because, actually, I am not different. I am just human.
Alicia: It is so tiring. I'm physically and emotionally tired about this whole situation.
It should not be this difficult just for me to survive. I just want to be able to afford my own things. That's all I'm looking for. I'm not a national threat. Sometimes I can barely get out of bed. And it's just like all I want to do is able to afford my class, buy some food, pay rent. Basic things.
Lucia: It's very hard to have hope.
Alicia: I think after not qualifying for DACA, the promises to expand it, and seeing it under fire now, I’ve completely lost hope. It's sad because DACA helps others define their future, but I don’t have that. I need to find a way now to continue living. I cannot wait for a solution.
It's sad because DACA helps others define their future, but I don’t have that. I need to find a way now to continue living. I cannot wait for a solution.
Propina
Each week we wrap up La Cuenta with a small propina: a call to action, a resource that might be useful, a song that’s sustaining us, something that loosely anchors us to this moment and to the ways we interact with the world around us.
We offer you some discussion questions as we move through the second half of January:
As a society, what do we value?
How do we determine someone or something’s worth? Why?
How does the perpetuation of these ideals steal opportunity from those that cannot fit them?
How do you imagine a world that uplifts all without conditions and without borders?
We invite you to reflect on these questions in the comments.
See you next week!
A reminder that the names in this series are pseudonyms.
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