Ode to My Hands
"I asked you to hold things/That I would never want anyone to hold"
This week, we are thrilled to share a second installment Norma Ramirez’s series of odes. Introducing her poem, Norma writes:
“Ode to My Hands” is the second poem in this series where I attempt to capture the cost of pursuing a PhD in clinical psychology as an undocumented student in the United States. I thought that my biggest challenge was going to be acquiring the financial resources I needed to complete the program, however, there were many more things that I experienced that no one could have prepared me for.
“Ode to My Hands”
I remember all the research
We had to look up
To figure out how to go to Graduate School
I remember because
There really wasn’t any information
And you, my hands
Had to keep on typing,
To search for the answers that
My brain wanted
But were unavailable
You kept reaching out
You created “Next Steps”
Out of nothingness, hope,
And pure stubbornness
You got me in
And through all those years
I asked you to hold things
That I would never want anyone to hold
You held the heartbreak that came
In Mexico City when I met my grandmother
And I realized how incomplete I was
Because I grew up without her
And without my aunts and uncles, and without my cousins
And later, once I entered privileged spaces, meeting people
Who were her age and in good health
And people who could talk about their grandmothers
And cousins, and aunts and uncles
You held and kept at bay the suffering
Of these realizations
You held the pain that came
When Trump was elected, and we all knew
What was going to happen next
But no one at Fuller believed
And then when it happened
When the Dean came and apologized
For not believing
You held and kept at bay the suffering
Of these realizations
You held the pain that came
When I could no longer
Bring you together for prayer
Because I was just lost
And falling apart
And I thought that I no longer
Knew how to pray
And all I could do was just bear another day
You held and kept at bay the suffering
Of these realizations
And if that was not enough,
I asked you
To reach out
To build
To find beauty
And to continue creating
And you did
You found people willing to struggle
Created wonderful relationships
You opened my heart to the beauty in the ordinary
Saw it become extraordinary
And to God’s sense of humor,
When friends that should not be friends became friends
When there wasn’t supposed to be love, but there was
When doors that did not exist, materialized
When I shouldn’t have, but I did
Propina
If you missed the first poem in this series, “Ode to my Feet,” you can listen to and read it here:
Describing the full series of poems, Norma writes:
I wrote these poems as a way to capture the cost of pursuing a doctorate while being undocumented in the United States. Once I had graduated, I realized that I need to reflect and process the past 7 years to allow space to heal. In the process, I also got licensed and that also brought up more feelings and dynamics. So, the series is a bit developmental, capturing pieces of the past, the present, and wonderings of the future.
Norma’s poetry series will continue next month. In the meantime, if you have a poem, story, image, or general idea you would like to share with La Cuenta’s readers, please get in touch.
We’ll see you next week!