"But Like, Do They Have Papers?"
Maria Lopez on starting @Ytienepapeles and "the reality of dating someone and just not being able to connect because they’re U.S. citizens and they don’t really get it."
Yes, this post’s title is a poor attempt at grabbing the attention of those unfamiliar with Maria Lopez’s content on her social media page ytienepapeles. Even with the translation those who are unfamiliar with the humor of the Latino immigrant community may still not “get” it.
“Papers, huh?” Yes, babe — papeles. Papeles as in that green card, a pretty little social security number, the golden ticket that opens doors for you in the promised land — or whatever is left of the United States. In the immigrant community this question, do they have papers?, can be scary to ask. Taboo even. Especially if you are undocumented. It warrants a transaction of sorts, citizenship for the promise of domestic servitude or partnership on false pretenses. “He/she married for the green card.”
In our conversation, I listened as Maria, Alix, and I shared the dynamics encountered when dating as undocumented heterosexual women and the conversations they have had to have with potential male partners. Maria discussed how she struggled with knowing when the right time is to tell a man she is undocumented and how quickly this imbalance in power dynamics could become dangerous when revealing your status.
You can imagine how this question, “Y Tiene Papeles?” could be taken out of context. It could be twisted up in xenophobic vitriol and put people in danger. Maria has taken this along with so many other stereotypes and refashioned it. Made it into such a silly joke that the whole of the United States immigration system looks like a silly xenophobic goose.
ALIX DICK: Could you share how you started ytienepapeles?
MARIA LOPEZ: Well, I think I started it back 2018 or ‘19. It really started as a sad girl page. I felt very misunderstood by my U.S. citizenship status. I felt like no one really understood the reality of going out with someone or dating someone and you just not being either able to connect because they’re U.S. citizens and they don’t really get it. Or going out with someone on a date, and then it turns out they’re undocumented too, and it’s like, “Well, I guess we can trauma bond, but really where is this going?” late.
I would have sad girl posts all the time. I had just broken up with a long-term relationship with someone I was with for six years.
AD: Six years. Oh my God.
ML: Six years, yeah. Trump had come into office, DACA was being rescinded, and all these things were happening and this person couldn't commit to marriage. I felt very disappointed ‘cause I was like, “Well, I see my life with you. So what does it mean if you’re not see the chaos and how my life can totally change and you’re not willing to take that step?”
So then, that’s when the sad girl posts started coming out and things like that. And then it evolved to more humorous things because I started seeing people connect to it. And I thought, “Okay, I’m not the only one. People out here are actually experiencing this too.” And that’s how it all started.
CHRISTIÁN PEÑA: That’s interesting. Did you feel like it evolved out of the sad girl posts because you evolved out of the sad girl phase?
ML: Yeah, that’s where I was in my life…And then it’s a lot of anger too, right? I think I have let out these really dark emotions through laughter. At the end of the day, I think I would rather use humor and make jokes out of it and make fun of the system and make fun of this tragic situation that we’re in. It is more productive when I get angry or if I cry or say it’s just going to affect me or it’s going to ruin my mood, my day, my life, or whatever. I wanted to shift the usual tragedy that the media captures and say, “Well, yeah, it’s sad and it sucks, but it’s also really stupid. I’m going to make fun of this thing because it’s so ridiculous the position we are forced to live in.”
“I think I would just rather use humor and make jokes out of it and make fun of the system and make fun of this tragic situation that we’re in.”
CP: I believe that the humor and making fun of the system and the policies makes it even more ridiculous. All of it is so dumb if we just sit here and dissect it and make fun of it. I’m wondering if you want to share a little bit about your background?
ML: Yeah, so I have DACA. I have been here most of my life. I'm originally from El Estado de Mexico. I migrated when I was four-years-old and came right to San Jose, California. I moved to Monterey for college, but I've never left California and I've just been … navigating. I was eligible for DACA right out of high school. I also think timing is everything.
I have an older sister, we're five years apart. When she graduated high school there was no DACA, there was no AB 540. So she went to community college I think for a semester, but had to pay out of state tuition. Just seeing the difference in that experience and then me graduating high school, getting DACA, having access to AB 540, having access to the state financial aid, it just made such a difference, so that's when I'm like, "Wow, the timing of it all is just everything. It completely changes your path." So I always acknowledge that privilege.
AD: It’s funny that you bring up that you were in a relationship for six years. Dating has been one of the hardest parts of being undocumented because men always think that that's the reason you want to be with them or they want to pressure you into getting married. When I started seeing your page, I was like, "Oh my God, this is exactly how I feel in so many different ways." I'm super grateful that you listen to your gut about sharing this with the world.
CP: Yeah, it feels like you tap into stuff that’s taboo. You talk a lot about sexuality and being open about your dating life and all that stuff. And I feel like for immigrants, it's so taboo to even mention that we have any sort of life outside of “being immigrants.”
ML: I feel like it also shifted for me, because of course you want to stick to an identity and a type of content. But I thought, "I'm all these things and they're all connected too." I exist, right? So why can't I talk about these things that nobody ever talks about? Sometimes I’ll meet other creators or people who have a large following and they'll say, "Girl, you say the things that nobody wants to say!”
And they’re right. No one else wants to share their dating experience or no one wants to share that these are things that are real and that we are thinking about, or that we're scared to say my status at a date, because I guess that person already is going to label me or judge me or think that they're going to be helping me, putting on a savior persona.
Propina
We’ll continue our conversation with Maria next week. If you aren’t already following ytienepapeles, get to it! And if you have a story about dating while undocumented that you’d like to share (even anonymously), reach out!
We’ll see you next week.
My first husband was a gorgeous waiter in Mexico. I didn’t care if he had papers or not